No one
paid Kimberley much attention until
2007 when a sex tape that Kim made with then-boyfriend singer-producer
Ray J, was leaked to Vivid Entertainment whom Kim sued for
possession of the tape and settled wfor $5 million, which
ironically was five times more that Elizabeth Taylor was paid for
Cleopatra. Possibly, the difference was that Kim has a nicer asp.
The media attention to the
salacious scandal earned Kim a stall in the E-Entertainment Network
line-up of bimbotants (a more prurient subclass of celebutants) who are
noted more for their sexploits and looks than brains and social
consciousness. She then posed for Playboy, appeared on Dancing
with the Stars, and, like Judy Holiday's character
Ella Peterson
in Bells
Are Ringing, does "a little modeling on the side."
Kim's modeling career got a big boost in 2011 when she was selected to
model for a billboard ad for Midori, a melon-flavored liquor, in which
Kim's melons stand out so prominently to parallel the brilliant ad copy
that the ad almost appears to be in 3-D. Joan Rivers once commented
on Fashion Police "I adore the Kardashians. They're a lot like
Colonel Sanders. They also build their empire on breasts, legs,
and thighs."
Kim has
also
launched a fashion line, a perfume, and even a pre-paid credit card (in conjunction with
her sisters) aimed at exploiting gullible fan-obsessed teenagers called "The
Kardashian Kard" that cost between $60 and $100 to activate -- an
unprecedented starter fee for prepaid cards. Kim's credit card exploration
lasted only a month after Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal
wrote a letter to the card's issuer, University National Bank,
questioning the legality of the card's "pernicious and predatory fees"
which included: Card Purchase (Includes monthly fees for 6 months) $59.95;
Card Purchase (Includes monthly fees for 12 months) $99.95; Monthly Fee
(Applies after initial purchase period) $7.95; Card Replacement - Primary or
Companion $9.95.ATM Withdrawal - Domestic $1.50; and on and on and on. If
Kim's late father and star attorney was still alive, he would have spanked
all the KKKs. But Kim probably would have videotaped the spanking for
another E Entertainment Special.
In 2000, Kim married music producer
Damon Thomas; their relationship ended in divorce in 2004 because his
name didn't start with a K.. She then married monosyllabic NBA player Kris Humphries
of the New Jersey Nets on August 20, 2011. Kim and Kris and made
$17.9 million on nuptials. The marriage lasted 72 days and Kim filed for
divorce on October 31, 2011, citing irreconcilable differences.
Apparently Kim couldn't swallow her Special K for breakfast every morning.
However she made an estimated $137,000 per day for her Kongame
Kohabitation with Kris which was far more profitable than her
Kardashian Kard.
There was near universal outrage over the Kardashian scam. New York
Times columnist Frank Bruni wrote "our little Kimmykins of Sunnybrook
Farm — brought something less than steadfast and humble commitment to
her marriage, which unraveled only 72 days after a ceremony bathed in
klieg lights, lousy with product placements and underwritten with a
reported multimillion-dollar payment (which her family has vaguely
denied) for television rights. Of course none of that casts doubt on her
good" intentions. " Even Satanic Verses author Salman Rushdie cleverly tweeted on Kim's
marriage fiasco in a series of Twitter feeds forming a limerick.
"The marriage of poor kim kardashian
was krushed like a kar in a krashian
her kris kried, not fair!
why kan't I keep my share?"
"But kardashian fell klean outa fashian."
We suggest celebrating
Kim's birthday with White Trash, a konfection that kaptures Kim's
essence while watching her in the aptly titled
Disaster Movie (2008).
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