August 03
Martha Helen Kostyra's Birthday

She is the definition of dyed-blond ambition, a brilliant entrepreneurwith exceptional taste, a media giant, a best-selling author, a former model (for Lifebuoy soap and Tareyton cigarettes), a former stockbroker, a former prison inmate, and a bitch. You know Martha by her married name which she acquired on July 1, 1961 when she wed Andrew Stewart who was finishing up his law degree at Yale Law School. They divorced in1989, after which she dated actor Anthony Hopkins from whom it was reported she got her recipe for fava beans.

Her former stockbrokers' expertise got her in trouble. She was charged with and convicted on four counts of obstructing justice and lying to investigators about an illegal stock sale, and sent to to Federal Prison Camp Alderson for women in West Virginia on October 8, 2004. While in prison, her nickname was "M. Diddy," and she harvested dandelions and other wild greens, and concocted microwave recipes using them. Martha was released from prison on March 4, 2005.and placed in a two-year term of supervised release.

After her release, her daily television-programming block on the Hallmark Channel began to score dsuch disappointing ratings that it was cut from eight hours to five. Martha's reputation took a further hit when she began bitching about Rachel Ray. In an interview with ABC's Cynthia McFadden, Stewart criticized Ray's abilities, saying that she is "not good enough for me," "She's more of an entertainer than she is, with her bubbly personality, than she is a teacher, like me. That's not what she's professing to be," Martha claimed in the 'Nightline' segment. Bitching about the beloved Rachel Ray's cooking talents is in the same category as bitching about Mother Teresa's work with the poor.

So how should we celebrate "M. Diddy's" birthday? She has so many recipies to choose from. We unsuccessfully tried tracking down her microwave recipe for dandelion greens. But considering her incarceration and the way she treats Rachel Ray, we suggest just toasting her with a Prison Bitch Cocktail while watching TV movie Martha, Inc.: The Story of Martha Stewart (2003) .

Prison Bitch Cocktail

Ingredients

1 oz vodka
1/2 oz triple sec
1/2 oz amaretto almond liqueur

2 oz cranberry juice
2 oz orange juice

Instructions

Shake ingredients in a cocktail shaker with ice. Pour into tall glass.